The car is where I grieve. It always has been. I remember sitting in my car, staring at my own face in the rear-view mirror, watching the tears well up and threaten to run over.
"Diabetes." I repeated, over and over, "diabetes." The word felt like poison in my mouth. It caused watery eyes to turn into rivers cascading down my cheeks. I forced myself to go through this ritual every time I got in the car. Every. Time.
It occurred to me why people would say things like "She's got the sugar." or "He just needs a touch of insulin." There is a heartbreaking finalization in the word "diabetes".
I made myself go through this ritual because I had to learn to say it. I could text it. I could talk about blood sugar and insulin and needles and meters. It was just a matter of days before the care of the disease was natural. We were checking blood sugars and giving shots. It was the word I couldn't say.
See, there is a disconnect between my head and my heart. My head is prepared to do battle everyday. In just the 8 or so weeks since diagnosis, I've learned that diabetes is a bipolar bitch. Sometimes it plays nicely and can be sweet talked into submission. Other times, it goes bat shit crazy and it needs to be fought. My heart isn't ready to accept it, and it may never. I can't look too closely at his skin when I give him insulin injections, because I see the little points I have given him injections. In my head, I know that those injections save his life. In my heart, I'm sticking a needle into his perfect skin 3-5 times a day.
It's still hard to say the word, but it is getting easier. I can say 'diabetes' without crying. I even said it to a waitress. I haven't said it to a lot of people though- so here is my public declaration
Michael has diabetes. He was diagnosed on April 6, 2018.
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Florida is awesome! I loved vacationing in Florida- I just didn't plan on staying as long as I did.
For several years, my son has wanted to visit LegoLand. Last summer, I decided that THIS would be the year. Y'all! I worked my tail off to get the money to go on this vacation. I taught, ran a store on Teachers Pay Teachers, became a Jamberry consultant and tutored/babysit some kids after school.
We planned a 5 day trip, with 2-3 days being Lego Land days!
I was a little nervous about driving to Florida on my own (remember this detail, it will be important in a few days!). A couple days before leaving, I ran into some friends in a Mexican restaurant. Angie commented that she didn't have anything to do the next week so guess who came to Florida with us?!
I love traveling with a loose 'plan'. It meant we got to swing over to Daytona on our way down because we wanted to!
Beautiful view from lunch.
He 'hearts' Daytona!
Michael likes to speak in text.... so those are our smiley faces!
We also faced our first panic. We were frolicking in the waves and trying to catch little fish which I put my hand in my pocket and COULD.NOT.FIND.MY.CAR.KEY!
Cue the panic music as I race to my car. I have never been so happy to see Michael not follow directions! I had placed the keys in my purse THEN decided not to take my purse but to lock it in the trunk. Fortunately, Michael had not locked the door (like I asked) so I could pop the trunk from the inside of the car.
We also made a spur of the moment shopping stop in St. Augustine. I was in dire need of a bathing suit. I really didn't want to pay a lot of money for one but found one I loved at a Lane Bryant outlet. I also found a beautiful dress and pair of shoes!
Sorry... didn't get a picture of the dress!
I'm a go with the flow travel planner, what kind of travel planner are you? Do you go with the flow or do you need a detailed agenda?
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Right before Spring Break, a friend of mine asked for help. She needed to take one of her cars to a body shop, a body shop that was 45 minutes away. We talked through several ideas, and it ended up that I followed her in her other car. We stopped to get gas and Michael said 'I want a drink!' My friend said she would run in and get us all drinks so she asked Michael what he wanted. It's a good thing we are both Kindergarten teachers, because neither one of us batted an eye when he said 'I want some Christ'. She looked at him and said 'they sell Jesus in a can?' That's when I started to giggle. We finally figured out that he wanted Orange Crush!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Nana is a teacher that I taught beside for a couple of years. She was close to retirement. She had never married or had children. I was half way through grad school when I found out I was pregnant. Shortly after having my son, I became a single parent. Nana and I had become good friends before Michael was born, however, she turned into EXACTLY what we needed in our lives. One of the downfalls of moving 4 1/2 hurs away from everyone you know, is that your support group dwindles. In stepped Nana! She kept Michael for me so much while I was finishing grad school. She loved him. And he loved her. The older he became, the more thankful I was to have her in our lives. She filled the role of 'grandmother' that we needed in our lives.